“What if you could be given a piece of paper with your entire destiny written down on it.  Your future partner(s).  Your children, or lack thereof.  Your job(s).  Even, the date of your death, and perhaps, how it would come about.  Would you read it?  Would you want to know?”

I’m sure most of us have been asked a version of that hypothetical scenario.  It’s enough to give one pause, the idea of being given your absolute future.  Certainly, most of us would turn that opportunity down, choosing to forge ahead with living, and letting our lives unfold in front of us, unknown.  I remember walking past the children’s department at work, wistfully looking at the gorgeous little dresses, wondering what my children would look like, praying that I’d have a little girl one day that I could dress up.  I was lucky enough to be given not one, but two little women, and of course, they have closets that even Suri Cruise would envy.  We cannot see ahead of us, that much is certain.  Life is not an episode of Dr. Who or Early Edition.

We do, however, have the gift of hindsight.  Perfect, clear vision of the things we’ve already done, and how we’d change it, if we could.  I think about myself 20 years ago.  17 years old, about to start my senior year of high school, with a clear halcyon vision of what my future would be and how my actual future ended up being so incredibly different.  Do I have regrets?  You bet I do.  We all do, I think, to a greater or lesser extent.  But if I could talk to that 17 year old girl, and if I could tell her not to give up on her singing career, to go to New York, to keep auditioning and pushing; to explain that her weight issues would be with her her entire life, and the sooner she realized that and took charge of it, the happier she would be (and not to wait until she was 35 to figure it out); to not settle for someone who was only just…good enough, but to wait for someone she couldn’t possibly live without; to stop the vicious cycle of undercutting myself constantly so that I was never truly successful or truly happy; if I could tell her these things…would I?  Knowing how bullheaded I am, it’s quite possible she wouldn’t even listen to me.  But if she did, and I could change the course of my own destiny, would I want to?

Yes I married a man who I knew deep down wasn’t my perfect fit, but he made me laugh and I was young and I think irrationally scared that no one would else would want me (this is how fat girls think) and yes, that marriage has slowly and perhaps inevitably unraveled in front of my eyes until all that’s left are two people trying to manage and financially fund a big household and only sometimes managing to get along.  Yes, I’ve been a member of Second Life and have lead a ‘virtual’ existence for so long now that I identify as closely with my avatar as I do my own reflection, and yes, the person who holds my heart in his hands is someone I cannot hold in reality.  Yes, I’ve worked in retail for almost 10 years, and now when I sing, it’s a sometime thing with my vocal ensemble or in SL as a solo artist, for people everywhere, but not as ‘me’, but as Nina.  I haven’t set foot on a stage or done a show in years.  All of those things make my heart heavy.

But if I could have taken a different road, I wouldn’t have the two little people who make every day worth waking up for.  If my marriage or my career had been more fulfilling, I may never have stayed in SL as long as I have, and I never would have met my Niv, or for that matter, any of the people there who hold special parts of my heart today.   Crap, I might not even have health insurance (such is the life of the artist…)  The point is, I’m not sure any path is the better path; I can only look at my life and see the path I took, my regrets and my successes, my blessings and my curses, and embrace it.  I have to have faith and believe that there is a reason all of the things I imagined for my life either didn’t come to pass, or transpired differently.

All I can do it let go, and let God, thankful for the blessings collected along a bumpy path.

Stand 4 Love is a project headed by RicoRacer Flux-Clarity and is, according to their blog site, “an awareness charity project to promote the visibility and rights of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Straight loving couples to have the right to marry and be recognized by the law across the world.”  You can find out lots more about it here.  I have been a proud straight ally in the gay community for a very long time, and I was very happy to see an awareness event like this one in SL.  If you’d like to try your hand at your own Stand 4 Love statement, you can find the directions here (it’s very simple.)  Check out their flickr as well.

I Stand 4 Love.  Do you?

xoxo Ninny

I’m sure many of you worship at the alter of TRUTH.  Truth Hawks is one of, if not the biggest name in the hair game, and has been for as long as my pixelated fanny’s been around.  To celebrate his new shop, he has released 6 new hairstyles and along with it, a model search.

The instructions for it can be found on flickr here.  If you’re thinking of entering, I highly recommend you read those.  There are many pictures that will be ineligble because people are wearing old hair styles, pictures aren’t the correct size, etc.  This is my effort.  If you’ve not yet taken a look at his new releases, lift the rock off your head and hit the store or MP.

Stylecard

Skin: Glam Affair (aida.ewing)* Amberly, America, clean (w/ freckle tattoos)

Eyes: IKON (ikon.innovia) * Ardent Eyes, parchment

Eyelashes: Redgrave (viola.leigh) * Eyelashes (2), daily

Hair: TRUTH (truth.hawks) * Denee, ginger 3 (new!)

Dress: Rebel Hope (rebel.hope) * Traci dress, Violet (new @ The Liaison Collaborative)

Necklaces: [glow] studio * Mix and match necklaces, all

xoxo Ninny